Murray Unit, Gatesville, Texas
7 years in solitary / ad seg
Britney
GULLEY
July 26, 2024
Words by BRITNEY GULLEY
Photography by TEXAS LETTERS
My name is Xandan. Although I was born Britney Gulley, but im undergoing hormonal therapy which consist of testosterone-injections. I am housed in Ad-seg. Restrictive Housing Unit. Solitary Confinement. The hole. A dungeon. HELL! Its been a total of twelve years for me, since since 2012, I’ve been held captive. It sucks! But, for the sake of my sanity, I utilize my captivity in a productive way. I’ve been published in numerous outlets and publications which include, The Advocate, INTO, Prism, San Francisco Bayview Newspaper, Solitary Watch, LGTBQ Nation and I was a 2023 Recipient for Ridgeway Reporting Project grant. I am a writer. A poet. An essayist. Ive accomplished these things but yet I still feel like a peasant. I feel like a dog in a rat cage in a laboratory. I feel like trash in a dumpster. I feel like im dead. Being in this dungeon breaks my spirit. Being held in a cell 24 hours a day deteriorates me. Being in HELL makes me feel dead.
Who am I? Why am I here? Why won’t you leave me alone? I wish I could fly. I wish I could disappear. I am sad. I am angry. I am lonely. I am afraid. I have PTSD. It is getting worse. I have to have discipline mentally to train myself to not think about these four walls. The four walls are closing in on me. No, they’re not! Yes, they are! No! My thoughts are racing. My mind is cluttered. My spirit is sad. Why? Why? Why? I want my freedom! I watch the 2024 Olympics on t.v. and see how the USA propaganda falsely decrees the land of the free! USA is the land of torture, division, discord, hatred, oppression, suppression, discrimination, dehumanization and inhumanity. No justice! Why? Why? Why? I don’t look in the mirror. I don’t wanna see me. I don’t want to know who I am. I am housed in SOLITARY CONFINEMENT!