I also deal with anxiety due to decades of such close confinement and limited movement outside the cell. As I write this it has been eighteen days since I was given recreation and we aren’t even on “lockdown”. Prior to this it was an eleven day stretch without any recreation and that was coming off of a twenty-eight day lockdown. Out of cell time has become harder & harder to come by.

 

    My anxiety flares to its peak when I know I am about to come out of the cell. My palms get sweaty, my blood pressure gets elevated and my breathing quickens. Even though I am handcuff with my hands behind my back, when I step out of the cell I feel a sense of freedom. Once I’m placed in a dayroom or recreation cage my breathing slows, blood pressure drops and I feel a degree of freedom.

 

When I was a kid I had a dog that knew when I was getting ready to go outside the house. He would go stand by the door hoping I would either let him out or take him with me. The closer I got to the door the more he would prance and look up at me. I would ask him if he wanted to go outside and he would bark and look at the door. I would stall and the longer I did the more he worked himself into a frenzy, waiting for me to open that door. Once I opened that door out he would go, full speed he’d run and then turn around and run back to me, happy to be out of the house.

 

   I often think about how my dog felt and how I was in control of whether he got outside & for how long. I never considered the emotions he went through or the anxiety built up in him waiting for that door to open. I can no longer say that. Every day for the last twenty-six plus years I have had those same feelings. For those reasons I will never cage a pet of mine up again.

 

 

                                                     Sincerely,

 

                                                     Dennis Hope